I knew you read this blog!

Hey! Hows it going 01100111011001010110010101101011zers? Bit of a mixed up post today, covering a couple of things have made me laugh over the last few days.

This week you may have seen a post about some bloke leaving the internet? There has been an amusing, dry post via Curious Rat where Harry looks to give up reading for a whole year. Good luck dude, I’m sure you’ll succeed! I found both of these posts via Hacker News. I know what you’re thinking, value add.

Now I know you think this blog gets no visitors but recently Sergey Brin has dropped by to leave a couple of comments. They made me laugh so much that I thought I’d add them to a post*. Enjoy

Sergey Brin on SEO’s

First off let me say we at Google are sick to death of the fact that all you SEO arseholes make a fortune off what is in effect our search results. We feel in the interest of our own greed that if anyone is paying to rank higher in google that , that money should be paid directly to us and we will then increase your rank. It is for this purpose we have started to play mind games with the SEO community as a whole, we figured that if we got you all of you interested in ranking higher to use rel canonical then we had an easy foot print on which to identify which of you arseholes needed punishing.

We ran another one of our “updates” and we are very happy to say we completely battered many businesses into using our current pay to rank (Ad words) we knew you would and for this reason we set up a tracking metrics, If you have been dropped in organic and then decided to spend on ad words , I am pleased to announce, you will never ever get your rankings back. Instead we have given them to a low quality site that is full of junk because they never paid an evil seo company to rank, so in our eyes that makes them more relevant. I am very happy to announce that ad words income has increased 200% in the last 2 weeks.

First quarter profits were only $1.9 billion we are hoping with the last update that we can increase this quarters profits to double that, and when Matt fucks finally releases ” The SEO penalty” ( 3rd quarter , just in time for Christmas) this update will automatically remove any sites that are currently on the front page and place them at page 4 or lower.

I would personally like to thank all of you for installing Google analytic s without you doing this we would have had no idea as to how much your websites were earning (and therefore how much you should be paying us)

Just for my pal Larry

Well I think that went well lets hope the fools never work out that anti seo is so easy right now and start to smash all our serps on all keywords therefore turning our serps in to a right useless pile of shit or we are screwed. Also what if every site owner on Ad sense starts to replace our code with say Ad choices , we have lost over 70% of our advertising real estate and potentially 40% of our ad revenue. Cant we say to these fools if they use Google + we will increase there rank , that way we can advertise more

Sergey Brin on Paid Links

Ok Let me be totally frank with you bunch of SEO devils

Paid links are morally wrong , right up there with stealing from children or old people or rigging an election.

Despite what some of you may think, Ad words are NOT paid links , they are paid adverts, You stop paying the link disappears. Which means we are pure white and good, ( Think http://images.wikia.com/lotr/images/c/c4/Gandalf_the_white_in_Fangorn.jpg) we are god anyone who gets involved with paid links are the devils spawn and therefore needs to burned alive.

We are watching YOU always , infact we are not only watching you we know what you will do before you do it. YOU THINK I AM Joking right ?? Check out ONE of joint projects we funded with our friends at the C I A ( Cocaine In America) https://www.recordedfuture.com/so before you pay for another link consider Ad words instead and with our new Google updates if you pay enough on ad words we MIGHT just decide to add your site in the organic section, even if your site is built entirely from iframes.

*Whoever was responsible congratulations you are frickin hilarious

Oh and read about the weird title >>> here

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I can’t sleep.

I’m wired and I’ve just watched Fight club for the millionth time.

Tyler Durden eh, yeah we all know Tyler. Lets remind the class of who and what he is:

All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.

Oh look a post about a popular film/character, how original Sean, aren’t you witty/humourous/incredibly handsome… Anyway, as he mentions above Tyler’s a smart guy and whilst *watching* the film I thought “What would Tyler Durden think of the current goings on within the incredibly small & insignificant bubble that is SEO?”

Whilst *watching* the film (and definitely not checking my phone) I saw Nick Eubanks tweet “This guy gets it, I mean really gets it. H/T to you sir” As you’ll see the link takes you to a black hat world thread where recent updates have not just hurt some of the black hat community but worn them down and totally demoralised them. Instead of sucking it up and finding a new way to manipulate Google some SEO’s are spending their time crying, feeling sorry for themselves and waiting to be told what to do. If you can’t be bothered to read it the author of the post has told them to sort themselves out and find an answer. I particularly liked the ending of the post…

This post may piss some people off, but it had to be said. Nothing ever goes as planned in business as business is a cut throat, sink or swim battle. Are you going to sink or swim?

Cool Sean this is very interesting but what does this have to do with Tyler Durden or Fight Club?

Well.

Let’s get behind our black hat brethren for a sec, perhaps consider a bit of positive spiel for the poor mites? They have had quite a hefty kick to the nuts after all. If Tyler Durden woke up tomorrow to find his network of websites had been de-indexed from Google what would he think? After destroying a room I’d like to think he’d consider the following:

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.

There it is ladies and gentlemen. Once you have been fucked by Google you are free to do whatever you wish. Test those new link building ideas, build new sites in that market you were researching. Learn, adapt, build, do it better and go again (how inspirational!)

Yes it’s incredibly easy for me to sit here and tell people who have lost their business and/or income and hundreds or thousands of lost work hours to build new sites. Yes, I feel sorry for you, Google are a bunch of shitbags etc, but you knew these days were going to come eventually, right?!

The thing is these updates have [happened|are happening|will continue to happen]. Whether it’s right or wrong is debateable but that won’t change anything any time soon. If you have been fucked by Google and don’t start again what else are you going to do?

And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

[Jack|Narrator|Edward Norton|Tyler] knew where it was at. He’d be off building new websites, writing quality content and hammering out guest post emails within the hour. If you’re an SEO who keeps checking Google to see whether their site has been re-indexed you should probably follow suit. You’ll forget that old make money online URL in no time!

Now I’ve just re-read the title. It’s 2:48am and no quotes in the world are saving shit. However maybe the moral of the story is quit whining about stuff you cannot control and get back to work? That’s pretty simplistic but I think you get the gist.

I am Matt’s smirking revenge.

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