Today I’m delighted to announce another guest post from an award winning, high profile inbound marketer. Quite understandably we have had to keep their identity secret in case it caused an issue with their current clients and employer.

9:00 – I get to work, turn my computer on and login to my Gmail, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin and Klout accounts to see whether anyone has said anything about me or whether my industry friends have released anything useful. They haven’t. I discuss a few SEO issues with people and say good morning to the celebrity inbound marketers. I find it’s easy to be liked when you are always friendly. I tweet something about creating quality content and 5 people retweet it. With my personal brand increased, I’m ready to work!

10:00 – I read Hacker News for a while and pretend that I know what people are writing about. I open a few articles in separate tabs, scan them for a minute or two before closing them. Sometimes I tweet about articles that I semi understand, I feel smart, I’m passing on value to the community and I’m educating people. They really are fortunate to follow me.

11:00 – I check yesterdays traffic details for my personal blog, I usually do this earlier in the day but today I’ve been really busy. The industry really liked my last post on “Link Building for Professionals”. I’m not 100% sure why as all I wrote about was guest blogging. I didn’t even mention how to get in contact with people (that shit’s hard lol!) or write a case study on it (fortunately as my clients ranking results actually dropped!) I think I’ll be ready soon to write a post for Youmoz. If I’m lucky it will be promoted to the main blog, everyone will know who I am then!

12:00 – I open up a word doc and think about how I can add even more value to my clients than I already am. I decide this isn’t possible, close the word doc and go to lunch (prosciutto and mozzarella panini with a red thai chicken soup.)

13:00 – I come back to my desk to find I’ve lost a follower. Why does this shit always happen to me? Maybe I wasn’t as nice as I thought earlier? I go through my excel sheet which includes all of my followers and compare it to the list on Twitter. That prick. I never really thought he brought that much to the community anyway. He doesn’t even have a content strategy and I heard he still believes exact keyword domains make a difference! I know! His loss.

14:00- I make a note to get in touch with one of my clients about getting him to write quality content for his website. The guy is an astronaut but I’m sure he has plenty of time doing nothing in space. Once he gets back I think I’ll have a word with him to buck his ideas up, I mean all he has to do is write an intriguing title to get the mug to the page. Once they get there I’m sure they’ll convert.

15:00 – I go to Inbound and see something about SEO Anti-Heroes. I’m not interested initially as I don’t agree or enjoy reading about black hat stuff. I click through to the site and instantly wonder why I bothered. I dislike the URL, the stupid picture on the right and the general tone of the site. I try to read the post and struggle to fathom why anyone has commented positively on it. The Dark Knight was shit, Jack Nicholson was a better Joker and that guy really isn’t the best looking man in the world. I leave the site bemused and vow to never return. I consider tweeting about the article in a negative light but decide better of it. That #OccupyInbound group are a bit unpredictable and vocal, I’m not sure I want them to rip my content apart and tarnish my reputation.

16:00 – I get a call from a client. I let it ring so that they can leave a message, don’t they understand that I am inbounding over here?! I open my powerpoint doc and re-read the presentation that I have done in case I ever get asked to speak at SES London. I make a note to add a slide on how social media links definitely influence rankings but then delete it when I remember my case study is hugely flawed. I’ve got some great ideas about producing quality content in niche areas via link outreach. I just need a platform. I tweet Danny Sullivan again with a link to my slideshare, I think he’s blocked me.

17:00 – I listen to the message, the client is unhappy. I start to compose an email and put together a great answer for why their overall traffic has gone down despite spending £10,000 a month on their online marketing campaign. I write about seasonality, grab Google trends graphs to explain that the sector has had less interest in comparison to previous years and make up a Google algorithm change. Inbound marketing is so much easier than SEO! I sit and wonder why SEOmoz didn’t invent it sooner, go back to Twitter and delete my client’s email. They’ll call back.

18:00 – Tonight I’m pulling a late one, I know, no rest for the wicked! It’s time to tone it down a little before going home so I decide to do a bit of reading/research. I have a list of articles to read through, sometimes I make notes as I’ve got a bad memory but today I don’t bother. I find one post particularly interesting and useful, I think I’ll copy it and chuck it in an article spinner. 2 minutes later and it’s on my blog. I tweet about it (Article Klaxon!!! lol!) close down my computer and take the chance to catch a breath. Todays been a good day!

 

Well thanks alot to our mystery guest for posting today! They are willing to answer questions below so if you have any thoughts/queries don’t hesitate in asking!

{ 45 comments }

SEO Needs an Anti-Hero

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This genius guest post was written by Joel K, the best looking man in the world 

There’s a scene in Batman: The Dark Knight where Batman is interviewing the Joker. I strongly recommend you watch it so that you catch all my awesome Batman references —> http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2164222/dark_knight_batman_interrogates_joker_scene/

 “I don’t want to kill you! …. You complete me!”

I love that scene because Joker is totally counter everything Batman is. Batman loves order and justice. The Joker loves chaos and destruction. They’re both arguably brilliant and yet driven to serve different causes.

How boring would that movie have been if the Joker was a white-knighting do-gooder who squirted old ladies with fake flowers, cracked puns and shared idiotic limericks? If Batman’s mission was just to publically shame the Joker by writing mean things about him on the internet?

And yet that’s exactly what we have in SEO right now. There are dozens of well known, incredibly smart white hat advocates –  these are your “Batmen”.

But who is the “Ying” to Rand’s “Yang”? Who is Wil Reynolds’ “Joker”? Who is Matt Cutts’ arch nemesis? At best we can label the “dark side” of SEO “Spammers”. We find it edgy and frightening when a well known figure advocates something that smacks of being even gray-hat.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN.

 “You have all these rules, and you think they’ll save you!”

Where is the brilliant arch-nemesis to make this story complete?

SEO needs an unabashed black hat. A genius who doesn’t cling to the absurd optimism that one day Google will fix everything and we’ll all fart rainbows while riding a unicorn on our way to the top of the SERPs because we played by the rules.

Our industry is starving for someone with Rand Fishkin’s goatee and angrier eyebrows. Someone who wears golf shirts like Cutts, but only black ones with hoods sewn on. Someone who publishes “EvilBoard Fridays” and releases “Top 5 Ways to Make a Fool of Google” lists.

Someone who says, “You know all the things they’ve told you don’t work? They do and there’s nothing you can do about it!” – before unleashing a cackle and disappearing in a puff of digital smoke.

 “See, I’m not a monster, I’m just ahead of the curve.”

What I would love to see is a well-known rule breaker; a black hat so insidious that though we hate them passionately, we also respect them.

That last bit is important. We categorize black hats as “lazy” without stopping to think that in a lot of cases these are the few really innovating in ways we haven’t thought of.

We collectively wave our finger at the mysterious enemy known as “spam” while patting each other on the backs for being more ethical than “the other guys”. We live in constant fear that Google is watching our every move.

We need to stop thinking that there’s only one effective way to get things done. Because there isn’t. That’s never been the case. We could learn a lot by studying our enemies instead of dismissing them as short-sighted idiots.

“Bad Makes Good Better!”

My point is this: Good can only become BETTER if it has some sort of opposition to fight against.

One of the best things that ever happened to me was discovering my local arch nemesis. I can see what this guy does to get rankings. It infuriates me. It physically upsets me. I swear at my computer screen. I curse Google for their inability to crush his evilness. I sometimes cry into my beer.

And then you know what I do? I figure out a way to whoop his ass without breaching my client’s trust. Like Batman I have my one rule: “Don’t compromise the client.” I stick to it at all costs though I often want to break it.

When I finally see my client’s site beat this competitor out, I rejoice. I turn on “Lowrider” and fist pump and air-thrust until my legs give out.

Because I earned that success against a worthy opponent.

So if you’re one of the “good guys”, then it’s time you found yourself an arch nemesis. Study them. Learn from them. Fight them. Your life (and your work) will be better for it.

If you’re a smart, personable, quirky black hat: The industry is waiting for you.

We need you badly.

Come step into the spotlight.

{ 69 comments }

Happy Valentine’s Day  Zero and One-ers. You are in for an absolute treat today as I’ve managed to snag an interview with the infamous car sales man turned SEO guru, Swiss Toni. Following the collapse of his car dealership due to the recession Toni embarked on a radically different career path and is now an SEO consultant for a famous UK adult sex toy importer.

Chris: Hey Swiss Toni, thanks for taking the time to chat with me today, I can imagine you are extremely busy this time of year?

Swiss Toni: Yeah, absolutely, this year’s big sellers have been these crotch less lederhosen I’m wearing right now.

Chris: Erm, Thanks.  So I want to talk to you about your role as an SEO and your favourite tactics. I just want to know, so how do you approach Keyword research?

Swiss Toni: Well Chris, funny you should ask but keyword research is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. You need to start out by making sure you have the right tool, roll up your sleeves and dive right in. Be creative, try a few different combinations and once you’ve found the sweet spot you want to make sure you have good volume, consistency and don’t forget the long tail.

Chris: That’s amazing Swiss Toni, I’m sure the regular readers will take something from that and what are you views on outreach Link Building?

Swiss Toni: Ahhhh, Chris, I find outreach link building is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. You want to start out slow, research your prospect, use your best lines to get them where you want them, focus on the goal and then you can go in hard and fast. Occasionally I like to introduce a Screaming Frog.

Chris: That’s genius, I’ve never looked at outreach link building like that before Toni, have you got any opinions on other link building techniques?

Swiss Toni: Yes, I certainly have. Link building is just like making love to a beautiful woman. It’s often good to reciprocate, a lot of the time you have to give to receive, regularly be looking internally, don’t go too fast too soon and it’s better to get a team involved rather than doing it all by yourself.

Chris: I don’t want to keep you from your work so thanks for your time Toni, have you anything else you want to say to the zero and oners?

Swiss Toni: I just want to say thanks for letting me be interviewed on this prestigious blog and I want everyone to remember this…

Happy Valentine’s Day! Now I’m off to write some articles on these new anal beads we’ve had shipped in from Taiwan.

+Chris Dyson is a failed parking attendant, turned SEO, has a fine collection of Woody Harrelson memorabilia and has never seen the movie Mamma Mia.

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So it looks like they are making a new Bourne film called “The Bourne Legacy” without Matt Damon. I’m sure it will be a riproaring success… With this in mind I thought I’d rearrange some quotes from previous Bourne films for comedic SEO effect (I know, it’s a little test)

  • Jason Bourne: Get some rest Spam, you look tired. Noah Vosen: He’s looking right at her.”
  • Dr. Albert Hirsch: [to David Webb] Will you commit yourself to this link building program?”
  • Jason Bourne: Do you even know why you’re supposed to link to me? Look at us. Look at what they make you give.”
  • “Jason Bourne: I can tell you the whois details of all websites online. I can tell you that our personal hosting provider is left-handed and that website on Flippa is worth £215 and knows how to make money online. I know the best place to look for a link is the large brand blogs, and at this altitude, I can run over 100 scrapers for a week before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know who I am”

Well I’m sure you enjoyed that, now get back to work!

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Lolling @ Search Queries

by 011100110110010

I was just reviewing some of the searches that people have done to arrive at this wonderful site over the last month or so and thought that I would share them with the class. I have decided to link internally to the most ‘relevant’ page. As you will see below some of them are slightly off the mark…

Haha, yes I swear these are all true. I’m sure that some of you are probably at fault for a few of these but they just remind me of the superb resource I provide here at the 01100111011001010110010101101011plex!

I’ve also realised that I should probably tone down the swearing at some point. Might put together a sexy pie chart that shows the percentage of organic visitors who arrived using one swear word or more. Or not.

There was also another particular search phrase that I wanted to add but couldn’t as it was pretty personal about a guy in the industry that I have a fair amount of respect for. No I won’t say who or what. No not even for that!

http://wordpress.org/news/2012/01/year-of-the-meetup/

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Quit Fucking About & Do Some Work!

by 011100110110010

Each day thousands of SEO’s waste hours of client work time reading the latest news or chatting via social media. There’s always one more article to read, bookmark or tweet about. We’ve got to the stage where we trick ourselves into thinking that everything is fine as long as we are reading SEO based content [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

The Best SEO Interviews You Will Read in 2012

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Right, this article is the shit. In fact it’s a fucking monster. I’ve been fortunate enough to discuss SEO with the people below and more importantly they have agreed to share their thoughts and ideas with you, the great unwashed. I’m sure that you have heard of the guys below but if you haven’t & [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

How Hip Hop Influences the SEO Industry

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Bit of a fun post today, looking into how rap lyrics can be used to explain the SEO industry. Track titles are in bold and thoughts in italics. Souls of Mischief – 93 Til Infinity Dial the seven digits Call up Bridget Her man’s a midget Plus she got friends, yo, I can dig it [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

How To Sell A Link Building Service

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I was checking my email earlier and came across this gem. I’m getting soft and removed the name and number (in case my competitors are reading and want to get in contact with them.) I was going to just post it but I’ve decided to add my own retarded commentary below in bold. Enjoy! Hello, [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

Guaranteed Traffic Increases (or your money back)

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Yes I know, the title makes me sounds like a twat. “Yeah right, like he can’t guarentee traffic! He can’t even spell guarantee!” I’m actually quite happy to put my balls on the line and say that if you work in the following areas you will have an increase in traffic to your website. Keyword [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

SEO Scenario – Paid Links

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Scenario Page x is the most relevant result for the search query y but it doesn’t rank because it is on a brand new website which has a small amount of content and no links pointing to it. Morally is it wrong to pay for links to improve page x’s ranking results if you are [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

Exact Keyword Domains, They Fucking Work!

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If I read about how exact keyword domains are being ‘dampened’ one more time I’m going to have a seizure. I’ve reviewed some of the most expensive keywords for adsense clicks, so you can rest assured that these are fairly competitive areas within the SERPs. So if you are in anyway confused about whether EKD’s [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

filetype:xls SEO

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Get out of here you pervert. filetype:xls SEO, filetype:xls SEO

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

‘Alternative’ Link Building Ideas

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I’ve just read through a billion link building documents and my brain is now fried. Whilst it’s cooling down I thought I’d put together a list of link building techniques that I haven’t read before. They probably exist somewhere but anyway… Create a fake interview with someone famous within your sector. I’ve been considering writing [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...

I am the Rank King

by 011100110110010

I’m tired. Like really tired. Where you get dehydrated after sports and feel a bit ‘weird’. Anyway I thought it was worth going through a few keywords that I rank for (don’t check yet!) Pickled Vienetta Slices in Rotherham Scrambled Hard Drives in Hamburg Part Time Particle Physics Courses in Burnley Gabriel Batistuta Fan Club [...]

I wouldnt bother if I were you...