SEO Spammer Trolling

This is an absolute monster of a post. If you enjoy a good ol lolathon then grab a coffee/beer/absinthe whatever and enjoy. Today we have Chris Dyson of Triple SEO back discussing the nuances of trolling SEO companies, laters y’all!


If you work in SEO you know it’s quite common for us to receive those unsolicited SEO Outsourcing emails from Indian agencies. I must receive at least 3-4 a day and that’s not including all the ones that get are caught by my spam filters.

Well to be honest I’ve had enough, the services many of these people are selling is nothing short of toxic. So I have decided to troll a few of these guys the other day and below is my Adventure in Spammy SEO Outsourcing

So on Monday Morning I received the below email….


I hope business is keeping you busy!

My name is <redacted>, and I work as a Marketing Manager with <redacted>. I would like to discuss a business opportunity with you.

We are a SEO & Web Development firm based in India, with over 5+ years of experience. Working as an outsourced vendor for many reputed SEO agency based in USA , UK , Canada, Australia & some part of Europe. .

Since your company offers Web services to its clients, may I propose a business association between my firm and yours?

With our organization you get an advantage of working with an SEO agency which:

1)      Has serviced 250+ client across various domains through a team of qualified and dedicated professionals

2)      Has a rich Google ad word certified resource pool

3)      Has strong post sales service and an 80% client retention score annually

4)      Has dedicated account managers for different project

5)      Over a 450 sites optimized

6)      15 People Quality team to ensure high standards

Together we can provide affordable, high quality and 100% ethical SEO, SMO & Link Building services to clients.

Kindly revert back if you are interested.

Awaiting your response and looking forward to a long term association with you!

Thanks & Regards,



Hi <redacted>

I am currently working on some tough websites and would like to know more about your SEO services?

Can you send a list of prices and do you offer Link Building as well? I need someone who is going to be all over this link building like a fat kid on a cupcake.

Chris Van Wilder
Party Liaison


Based on the quality of this outreach email I wasn’t hoping for much in the way of quality link building from these guys but hey I was here to troll baby!

So I sit and wait as it’s quite late in India and sure enough I check my emails at 7am in the UK and there is a reply from a different guy claiming to be the Business Head(?) from this SEO agency.


Hi Chris,

I hope you are doing well.

Many thanks for replying and enquiring about our services.

I am <redacted> , Business Head with <redacted> INDIA. Just to give you a brief about us. We is India Based online Marketing company and is in Business since last over 4 years. We are currently associated with several agencies and retail clients in UK, US, Australia and Canada.

I have received your enquiry about SEO/Link Building from one of my Marketing Manager. Please go through the mail and packages and let me know an idea of package which you might choose for your campaign in order to have free analysis report.

We offer you “Pay only for the keywords which are ranking on Google page one” after 3 months are completed for the campaign, no other hidden cost. Once the time line of 3 months is over, we will only charge you for the keywords ranking on Google page one.  We will make sure that you spend every single penny for the results. 

So pay the basic price of any package regular for 3 months and USD 20 per keyword for Google page one from the fourth month.

Please provide exact URL and keywords you already have in your mind for the free analysis report. 

Get flat 20% discount in the last Week of AUGUST on all the packages. No set up fee and hidden cost.

Moreover, there is no minimum contract for the service and you can withdraw or add any campaign after any month. We charge only for the first month and thereafter we send you the payment request only after the first month report is delivered to you as per the commitment. So you have minimum risks involved with us. There is no exit fee involved with these packages.

My skype id <redacted>

Please feel free to revert back with the positive note. Looking forward to have long term association.



Business Head



I checked his website out and sure enough there are testimonials from various small UK/US SEO and web design agencies… So I reply straight away…


Hey <redacted>

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. It’s refreshing to be able to speak directly with a senior member of staff. Can you tell me some more about the types of links you guys build, I don’t want no sh*t.

I want you guys all over that website like a fat kid on a cupcake!

Chris Van Wilder

Party Liason



Hi Boss Man,

I need some top quality links to this website Play.com we’ve been getting some serious bad rankings lately. Do you know why that might be?

I look forward to your Free Analysis.

I don’t suppose you know a guy called Taj he went to college at Coolidge?

C. Van Wilder



Hi Biggy Biggy Boss Man,

Wow, that was quick you guys really are a set of fatty fat kids.

I need the free analysis for Play.com and I am targeting lots of keywords but my top keywords I am trying to rank for are Pickled onions, Pickle Jars, Pickled Eggs and Pickled Gherkins.

Chris VW



I’m expecting BIG things I’ve never ever had to deal with an SEO TEAM before wow these guys must be f***ing AWESOME!!!

2 days later I received more than I could have ever wished for!


Hi Chris,

I hope you are doing well.

Please find the attached analysis report for the website. We have mentioned the On page changes and the reason of rectification, also we have suggested few keywords in the report.

You can make the final list of the keywords in order to initiate the campaign. Our reports schedule will be as follows: 

First report we send you within 7 days:

Post Campaign Analysis    First weak

Dmoz Submission (yes/No)

Canonical Check Resolve/Suggested

Meta Tags Implemented/Suggested

Keyword Density Maintained/Suggested

Code Text Ratio Maintained/Suggested

Google analytics if not present we will create and implement it

Webmaster Tool if not present we will create and implement it.

Second report we send you in second week

Second weak

Keyword Analysis and Suggestions

Competition Analysis

Sitemap Suggested or Implemented

Next 6 Months projections for Rankings

W3validation check in detail for targeted Pages

Then we will send you the final report showing the keywords performance and activities along with :

Along with the report:

1)      Updated Sitemap

2)      Extra keyword Suggestion as per plan.

I have attached the Monthly  sample report for one of my client. You can see the performance of the keywords in the first tab and activities done for the campaign in other tabs. You will be receiving the monthly report in the same format for your campaign.

Your payment would be as follows:

Payments schedule will be the same for any package, let me provide you with an example of Bronze package for 10 keywords. 

Your first month payment will be Upfront for USD 120 after 20% discount for the Bronze package, you will pay the second payment after you receive the first month performance report, which we deliver you in 30 days from the date you made the first payment. However you will receive two on page reports within 30 days as discussed and monthly report after 30 days.  

Third payment you will make again after you receive second Month performance report. Now once your 3 months are completed, and you receive your third month performance report. You just have to pay USD 20 per keyword p/m appearing on Google page one. So the fourth month payment will be as per the keywords ranking on Google page one, suppose there are 4 keywords ranking out of 5 keywords on Google page one you will only pay USD 80 as a fourth month payment and so on in coming months. However we will keep working on other keywords in order to bring them on Google page one. 

You can add as many keywords as you want in coming months by paying just USD 30 for first three months from the month you will introduce the keyword and USD 20 after 3 months if it is appearing on Google page one. 

All keywords should be introduced in different phases. First phase keywords should be in the combination of long tale local keywords with medium competition. After 2 months second phase will include long tale keywords with high competition and after four months third phase will be of Generic keywords.  We are working on many projects wherein we are working for 150 to 200 keywords and have provided them Google page one positions. So gradually we can increase the list of keywords for every campaign.

Please feel free to revert back in case of any query.


Wow, our spammer friend had sent me a picture of himself without me even asking. I even reverse Google image searched so it seems fairly genuine!

I was really impressed that is proposal spelt Week as Weak, which gives me every confidence in the quality of articles these guys will be producing for me…

I also have in my possession a copy of a clients weekly report from these guys, I’m not sure if this was attached intentionally or if it was an accident but it contains every link these guys have spammed for this particular website.

As I am not in process of outing other webmasters I’ve redacted the keywords and key client info such as email addresses, passwords and URL’s.

They also included the below SEO report for Play.com that I asked for…

Search Engine Optimization Analysis Report For www.play.com


  • Executive Summery
  • Purpose
  • What is SEO
  • Why Search Engine Optimization?
  • Website Factual Analysis
  • Key Observations
  • Our Methodology for Search Engine Optimization

Executive Summary:

This report covers a detailed Site Analysis & Search Engine Marketing Plan for the promotion of organic ranking of: www.play.com
This plan would also cover different benefits, techniques and important aspect of a website in Search Engines.


This document is a handy guide of reference for planning a full fledged online marketing campaign for promotion on various search engines. The report covers various on-page & off-page pointers that can be implemented on the said sites. The report also covers a proposed activity chart.

To summarize:

  • to study the existing structure of the sites
  • to identify deficiencies in the sites
  • to study competition for targeted keywords
  • to identify areas of improvement in relation to overall objective
  • to suggest on-page, off- page and site usability factors for effective optimization and conversion

Why Search Engine Optimization?

v  About 90 percent of Internet users find new web sites via search engines

v  SEO optimized resource visitors become real clients and partners five times eagerly in comparison with other marketing tactics

v  About 80% of search engine users stop browsing search inquiry results on the first page.

Factual Analysis:


S.No Check Observation Remarks
1 Server Header Check 200 Ok
2 Age of the site 11 years 2 months old
3 Back Link Check 46 Need increase back links ASAP
4 IP check  
5 Caching 23 Aug 2012 14:04:08 GMT
6 Canonical Issues Found Need to be resolved ASAP
7 Java redirect check Fine
8 Internal link check Fine
9 Coding Check 27 Errors, 12 warning(s) Need to resolve these errors ASAP
10 Frame check Not Found
11 Flash Check Not Found
12 Code/Text Ratio 9.54% Need to increase ASAP
13 H1-H7 tag check Need to implement correctly
14 Nature of Site Static
15 URL check Ok
16 Navigation Check Average
17 Content Check Fine
18 Site Map check Fine
19 Google Index 17400
20 Yahoo Index 26
21 Bing Index 26
22 Breadcrumb Navigation Ok
23 RSS.XML Fine


Site Navigation: Navigation of the website is ‘average’ from Users point of view and also from a Search Engine’s Crawler crawl point of view.

Content: The content needs to be increased.

Back links Creation: Back links quantity is 46 collectively in all major Search Engines. We need to focus on the link building for the site to get positions & authority on SERPs.

On page Optimization: This activity is most important activity in any Search Engine Optimization project.

Title Tag: This title is not short enough.The most effective page titles are about 10-70 characters long, including spaces.Keep your titles concise and make sure they contain your best keywords.Each page should have its own exclusive title.Featured tool: Here’s a snippet-optimizer that allows you to see how your titles look on Google™ and other search results.

Title Keywords: You have too many keywords.Meta keywords are words or phrases that pertain to your site’s content. In the past, people have tried to take advantage of this tag so now it doesn’t affect your search rankings the way that it used to.

Header tag: We suggest implementing HTML headings.You can include keywords in your headings.The initial heading (<H1>) should include your best keywords.Using only one <H1> heading per page will strengthen your SEO.

Code to text ratio: Ouch! Your websites ratio of text to HTML code is below 15%.We suggest adding a lot more text to your website.You can strengthen your SEO by increasing the recurrence of keywords on your page and adding more text that pertains to your website’s content.

Google Analytics: Google™ Analytics is not monitoring your website. We suggest taking advantage of this great tool. 

Our Methodology

We utilize the latest technology in their optimization methods – Semantic Indexing (SI). SI analyses content to identify a group of keywords and the context in which these keywords are used as opposed to focusing on a single keyword which can have multiple meanings thus delivering an incorrect search result to a search engine browser. This ensures the relevancy of the content when displayed to the browser and allows websites to be displayed to a more targeted audience. The benefits of SI optimisation are three-fold:

  • Search Engines recognize SI techniques and use this, alongside other specifications, to rank a website naturally.
  • SI moves the optimization industry further away from the spam techniques that were previously employed to achieve successful natural list rankings. Spam techniques are now being regularly identified by Search Engines and websites utilizing such unethical techniques are being penalized.

We deliver an integrated SEO solution that incorporates the following areas:

Initial Research

  • Keyword Research: working alongside our clients we identify a range of short-tail, medium-tail and long-tail keywords to optimize as part of the SEO campaign. Identification of search volume and competition for keywords helps to determine which keywords to target for quick results and which to work towards as a long term goal. All keywords are signed off by our clients during month one as they are an integral element of the SEO work.


Some Suggested Keywords and Rankings for


  • Competition Analysis: through analyzing your own competitors we gain a better understanding of your industry, the look and feel of competitors, how successful they are in achieving natural listings, how you compare to them and the areas in which we need to improve your website to be able to effectively compete.


On Page factors

  • Meta Tags and other html tags creation: ensuring that meta-tags and html creations are correctly implemented will aid the spiders in assessing your websites relevancy to a search term. Also these are the first impression of your website on the visitor who found your website in SE’s.
  • Optimization of the website content: assessing your current website content will provide valuable insight into the current keywords that you are promoting to the Search Engines. Through altering the keywords to reflect those agreed during the keyword research stage, the next step is to optimize the website content on existing pages. This is undertaken on the actual web page content and not on the metadata as was previously the case with SEO.
  • Generating additional website content relevant to the chosen keywords: it is often necessary to create additional web pages for your website to extend the amount of relevant content contained within your website. As websites are ranked on relevant content ensuring that the content displayed has the correct level of keyword density for maximum optimization is vitally important to effective SEO work.

Off-page Factors

  • Back-link creation (link building): The creation of links to your website is one of the main components of off-page SEO activities. Link Building is a method of linking your website to another website through a one–way link based on a common theme. Search Engines consider one-way links as a major factor is allocating a page rank to a website. The higher the page rank the more weight it carries in SEO terms. Historically link building has been misused which has resulted in websites being banned by major search Engines. We only employs manual techniques to secure one-way links from “quality” websites that offer added value to your website and are linked by your chosen theme to complement your website.
  • Website and article submissions into search engines and directories: A directory is a collection of information divided into categories and subcategories which each contains links to relevant websites. The directory allows browsers to search through the listings to find the information they require. Search Engines deem links from quality directories to be very beneficial links as the individual directory webmasters manually choose which links to include in their directories and therefore these are considered to be quality links relevant to the search category. In addition, quality directories are indexed regularly which ensures that your new website is indexed quickly by Search Engines. Search Logic identifies the directories to which your website will be submitted.

Account Management and Reporting

  • Dedicated Account Manager: it is only through creating and maintaining a solid relationship between your company and a Search Logic dedicated account manager that we can ensure the delivery of an Online Marketing Campaign that exceeds your expectations and meets your strategic objectives. The ability to contact your account manager by telephone, email and MSN ensures clear, open communication channels and allows you to maintain the exact level of contact and control that you desire.
  • Detailed SEO report delivered each month: as an integral element of account management you will receive a monthly report detailing the activity that has occurred in the previous month and the results which have been achieved on your behalf. Your dedicated account manager will discuss your report in depth with you each month.


Following tools & technologies will be used during the project for different purposes:

1 Word Tracker Keyword Research
2 Google Adwords: Keyword Tool Keyword Research
3 Neurotic web XML Sitemap Creation
4 Google Analytics Web Analytics
5 Xenu’s Link Sleuth Broken Link Checking
6 Google Webmaster Central XML Sitemap Submission and Verification





Below is the scope of our offered SEO Services to you: 

SEO Setup:

®      Analysis of current website

®      Ranking & Traffic Check

®      Keyword Research & Analysis

®      Site Navigation Check

®      Analysis of current web content & Recommendation

®      META tags Implementation

®      Clean up of Site code like Header Tag, Title Tag, Anchor Tag, Image Tag Optimization (search engine friendly)

®      HTML Site map creation and implementation

®      Google Analytics Implementation



®      Search Engine(s) Submissions

®      Google XML site map Submission


Link Popularity:

®      Directory Submission

®      Link Building (one way & reciprocal links)

®      Article Writing and publishing

®      Blog Creation and Posting



®      Ranking Report (Every Month or as and when requested by the client)

®      Consultation (Email/Phone)


So there you go my SEO colleagues, if you want crappy links, poorly written content and other people’s login details feel free to hire these guys for your next project. I’m sure you won’t suffer any issues with Pandas and Penguins.


VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 7.5/10 (11 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
SEO Spammer Trolling, 7.5 out of 10 based on 11 ratings

22 comments on “SEO Spammer Trolling

  1. Nice research into the Indian SEO market – I’m sure you will get lots of quality rankings and noooo penalties applied 😀

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  2. Love it Chris! Couldn’t stop laughing at ‘fatty fat kids’ (as you can see I have a very advanced sense of humour).

    I think we should all make a pact to do this whenever we get these mails. Just send the exact same messages as Chris did, analysis on Play.com etc… – maybe eventually they will stop emailing.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 2.8/5 (4 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
    1. Haha, I like this default “play.com” idea.

      “This is the 17th time I’ve been asked to review it!”

      “Just do it! I’m sure we’ll win the contract this time!”

      VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
      VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
      1. I mean it. Let’s do it. Let’s set up a team tout account and use Chris’s emails as templates. We can publish the results on You Moz as an industry study and point out that while Indian companies are highly correlated with spammy techniques, we can’t possibly comment on causation. You can tweet that.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
        1. If you do start trolling these guys feel free to submit your tales here:


          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  3. My favourite bit: ‘I want you guys all over that website like a fat kid on a cupcake!’

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
    1. Well my alias was Chris Van Wilder Party Liason…. I had to get some quotes from the movie in there some how 🙂

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  4. Great Work sir!

    Although i am not from the country you are talking about but I am living in the part of the world where SEO is highly misunderstood (sad).

    These kinds of bullshit are pretty much common to me but a point where I go crazy was when he give his view on seriously bad rankings…I am damn sure it’s a template email.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 3.7/5 (3 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  5. Hehe, good one. I’ve tried this before but they never seem to answer my replies.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
    1. Hey Richard, it does seem to take quite a lot of patience! I’m sure Chris will tell us how long it took. Cheers for the tweet as well man.

      VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)
      VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
    2. I didn’t actually spend that long at all replying; I reckon I spent less than 30 minutes conversing with this guy and he did most of the work…

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  6. Cheers everyone, I definitely think more people need to send these guys on wild goose chases. I sent a handful of emails and they clearly spent a few hours putting some rubbish together.

    I couldn’t believe they actually sent me the links, passwords and email addresses they had used for their directory, article and press release submissions.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  7. I run a website development and online marketing company in India and I have to admit that our SEO spammers are a total embarrassment to us. They have virtually shut down any chance of legitimate companies sending out a non-spammy mail to a prospective customer outside India (we never send out mails, so doesn’t affect us).

    It’s not just companies/individuals in the western world, but these mails reach even Indian Web/SEO companies like ours – dozens every day.

    I did a small research once and found that majority of the mails are not sent out by SEO firms, but external mailing agencies who get a commission out of every response they receive.

    Entertaining post, nevertheless!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  8. The humor (cross out) humour which naturally lends itself via their replies could never be creatively inserted..

    “We will make sure that you spend every single penny for the results”

    “First weak”/”Second weak”

    “You can add as many keywords as you want in coming months by paying just USD 30 for first three months from the month you will introduce the keyword and USD 20 after 3 months if it is appearing on Google page one. ”

    So, I can eventually haz all the wordz!

    ..I still owe money to the keywords, the keywords I owe.. The National (SEO)

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  9. Ouch. I feel ashamed to see Indians in such activities. But, I have to agree that most of the spam comes from India. Would you like me to provide glimpse at some of the office in my local area? The so called SEO executives are not even graduated from the high-school. This so called SEO company is paying them measly Rs. 4500-5000 per month salary (that’s not even $100 USD).
    Here is their daily activities
    1) Submit website to 500 directories per day (yup..whopping 500 directories per day)(this is given to single person only)
    2) 200 submission to social bookmarking site with 3-5 titles and description variations
    and more shit, you really don’t want to know about.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  10. …in this post: the author was solicited with SEO services, came up with a funny phrase about a fat kid on a cupcake, cursed like a drunk sophomore chick in a college pub, demanded free report, got it and ultimately tries to make fun of it. Trolling fail, asshole contest win.

    Props to the Indian boys for handling your little girly ass decently, too bad you are a peasant and made them waste their time. And no I’m neither an Indian nor “seo service provider”, just a passer by with a heart.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 4.2/5 (5 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 8 votes)
    1. Hi Dan,

      I truly got my “little girly ass” served, I’ve asked Sean to take my post down, I feel deeply embarrassed by my immature behavior.

      Please accept my public apology in the most sincere format I know….


      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 2.3/5 (3 votes cast)
      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  11. I’m not sure what’s more pathetic. Having some Indian put up with your haughty first-world bullshit or the fact that you compiled it all and considered it post worthy. lol

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  12. Yep, read it again and Chris, you still sound like a fucking idiot. Seriously, if I were you I would be worried about how much spare time I have on my hands instead of working for your clients on their SEO #NoClientsToWorryAbout.. Perhaps you should take a leaf out of their book and try and win some new clients yourself instead of trying to hinder others.

    I would be as far as to say you’re a complete racist, well done for coming across as an immature little kid.

    Keep it up!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)

Comments are closed.