Published on May 9th, 2012 | by 01110011011001024
Building an Alternative SEO Glossary (Or Improving the SEO Lexicon, 1 Day at a Time)
As you probably know there are some superb SEO glossaries out there. My particular favourites being SEObook, SEOmoz and SEO-Theory (the top 3 results, nice one Google for training me to believe the top results are indeed the best.)
It appears to be en vogue to invent your own SEO terms at the moment so I thought that I’d have a crack at coming up with some of my own. I mean the SEO industry can always do with a bit more irritating bullshit 🙂
So my new 10 SEO terms to go down in SEO history are:
- Linkbanged – What happens when you get ‘penalised’ or see rank/traffic drops after buying/building links of questionable quality. As in “Dang, my website just done got linkbanged!”
- Brandchor Text – Branded anchor text (for bottlers who are too afraid of using keywords or long tail variations in their link building campaigns post Penguin.)
- AuthorWank – Where writers/website owners use their author rank status to overcharge poor schmucks for contextual based links. “£2,000 for an link, pah darling I don’t edit a post for less than £5,000”.
- Fuzzy SEO – An instance where I have read completely differing views on the same subject from experts within the search marketing industry. O.k so the name is crap but I think this really should have some sort of definition!
- Keyword Density Density – The percentage of documents within Google’s index about keyword density.
- Faux Hat SEO – An SEO who sells themselves and their company on the basis of white hat SEO whilst delivering the opposite.
- Ghost link building – Building links that as far as a search engine concerns never exist. Try and imagine the combined amount of time that has been spent online by people/tools building links that are never approved by the website owner, pass no link equity or never get crawled/indexed. Poor bastards.
- Bait and Stitch – Hacking a website in order to edit a document that pretends to be one thing in search results but turns out to be a page of yours when a user clicks through to it.
- Link Churn – The feeling in your stomach when you get the dreaded email of death via Google Webmaster Tools. Not to be confused with the rate at which a site loses links.
- 0110 Error – Where an SEO ‘expert’ can quite easily regurgitate information from their favourite rockstar and pass it on as their own and/or gospel without even doing it.
I’m putting together an article at the moment that I’m quite looking forward to releasing. If you have ever wondered how to catch the eye of your favourite SEO I think I might have a few answers for you 🙂
If you crazy cats have any additional ideas to add to this SEO glossary then give me a shout in the comments/via twitter and I’ll be more than happy to add them. Nice one Alessio for being the first to step up! I’m looking for as many ideas as possible so if you are a member of Inbound please take a second to give it a nudge up (I don’t usually ask but we’ve had some cool ideas so far.)
- “keyword fuckety” when people are not reading SEO article since 1998 and they center all the SEO strategy on keyword density.
- “link shitting” when you create links that are really bad.
- Link Monkey – Someone who’s job it is to solely do link building!
- Keyword Destiny – The perceived relative potential for any keyword target.
- Link Bomb – A quickfire attempt at negative SEO on a competitor. Director – “I hate XYZ company, they sell mediocre products but seem to do quite well.” In House SEO: “Me too, I’m gonna drop a link bomb on their site.”
- Meta Morphosis: any change applied to Meta Data
- Latex Romantic Indenting – (Yet to be decided but congratulation Chris, definitely the most amusing idea so far!) O.k, how about an index of porn that doesn’t pass any link juice? 🙂 Ahh so it’s indenting and not indexing… Maybe it’s the same index but with related videos indented underneath? This one might require more thought!
- Postiche Snippets – Hard coded fake 5 star schema.org reviews on a homepage shown in Google as rich snippets
- Stinky Pigeon – A shallow valueless page generated just to capture a phrase’s traffic “The whole site is a stinky pigeon”
- 1999ism – what the majority of SEOs still practice even tho its 2012.
- “Quack” – Added to Websters New World Dictionary, specialized definition (along side of Scientific, Psychology and Archaic definitions). Specialized Definition: (Internet Marketing) – Noun. One who guarantees number one Keyword SERP results to a client who otherwise doesn’t know any better. For example, The SEO Quack promised me I would be #1 in Google for my keyword in three weeks. Verb. To promise number one Keyword SERP results to a client who otherwise doesn’t know any better. For example, The SEO was quacking at us and we promptly fired him. Special Usage: Noun. Often used twice together to poke fun at the SEO, example, The SEO was doing the quack quack. History, coined in the late 21st century after seeing many internet web site owners waddling around like a duck after wasting thousands of dollars on ineffective SEO.
- Instant SEO = Adwords
- Algo-rhythm = The tunes Matt Cutts rocks as drops an update
- ‘Magic Pixie Dust’ – What google allegedly gives you in the way of the little green bar if you do linkbiulding in the way Matt Cutts tells you.
- KEYWORD VANITY DISORDER (KVD) – Clients that fall in love obsessively with ONE f*cking keyword, and bug you non stop about its daily position, the discrepancies of position between 2 computers, the fact that that they are not #1 for this keyword although they are being found for 1000s of variations of it, with millions in sales… THEY ARE NOT HAPPY UNTIL THEIR KEYWORD IS NUMBER 1.
- Creative Keywords – Just (Not Provided), but then with a better name. Who cares? You can find out the landing pages and still find out where the traffic comes from. You should know what people are looking for when they are looking for your site. If you want to rank for bananas, whilst you sell 4th hand cars, the conversion rate of Bananas will be very high I think. Hence the Creative Keywords. (!)
A unit of measure that measures how “much” you should worry about something, as explained in the Google Webmaster Videos, as in:
“I wouldn’t worry about [insert ranking factor here]……………..MUCH”.
Which of course means, you should of course worry about it, somewhat.
So, checking whether a blog link is a dofollow one or not would be .1 muchcutts, your keyword density would be 2 muchcutts, and your anchor text profile would be something like 50 muchcutts.
- Causeration Explanation Disorder – The inability to write a blog post without pointing out the difference between correlation and causation. The symptoms of the Causeration Explanation Disorder are often mistakenly attributed to intelligence, but are soon correctly diagnosed as arrogance.
Building an Alternative SEO Glossary (Or Improving the SEO Lexicon, 1 Day at a Time),