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Published on June 11th, 2012 | by 011100110110010

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Top 10 Signs You Are A SEO Diva

This awesome guest post was written by the Online Marketing Owl. SEO webslinger. Content Creation Caped Crusader. Social Media Watchman. PPC Yie-Ar-Kung-Fu. SEOmozer - Andrew McGarry - Find out more about him here (look natural anchor text!)

In an industry full of self-proclaimed experts and no proper certification, SEO sometimes feels like a biggus dickus competition.

Some days you’d be forgiven for thinking SEOs spend all their time online trying to prove to everyone that they actually know what they’re on about.

The idea that you’ve been doing something for ages so therefore you must be good at it, would mean that Jim Davidson is funnier than Frankie Boyle, and Bill O’Reilly is a superior journalist to Jon Stewart. This leads us to today’s handy guide…

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU ARE A SEO DIVA

10. Writing super annoying ‘Top 10’ articles as linkbait in the vain hope that the SEO industry will notice your thought leader status.

9. Whenever someone votes your SEOmoz comment with a ‘thumbs down’, you have an emotional response to it which makes Charles Manson look like a rational human being.

8. Checking Google Search blog posts daily for opportunities to tweet “I’ve been saying that all along”, which would have been number seven in CNN’s 6 most annoying things kids say.

7. Your online avatar has been created to convey how clever, creative and outspoken you are. Especially as you’ve never forgiven your parents for THAT lunchbox they made you bring to school.

6. The idea of ever saying, “I don’t know about that aspect of SEO” would be as desirable as walking naked through town on a Saturday while holding up a sign that says your favourite band is Nickleback.

5. You have your own WordPress plugin which you believe will carry on your legacy after you’re gone.

4. In team meetings you roll your eyes and exhale loudly whenever a developer says that doing a particular thing would be good for SEO. Like he could possibly grasp what has taken decades to learn.

3. If your partner looked at someone for too long you’d get jealous. But not as jealous as you get when you see other SEOs on Twitter chatting to Matt Cutts, Duane Forrester, or even Rand Fishkin. I mean c’mon, look at how many followers I have!

2. Believing your job title as manager / director / overlord / insights guru reflects your status and worth as a human being and would crush your soul if you ever lost it.

And the number one sign you are a SEO Diva is that you are a man. The opposite sex is far too evolved to waste time with online posturing and chest beating. Besides, as far as they’re concerned, while you’re being a diva you won’t notice them stealing your clients.

***Bonus #11!*** Writing holier than thou comments on (non)ranking weight of factor X, regurgitating what you read elsewhere with zero proof.

 

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About the Author

One day I will make a living out of this industry, until then I'll carry on writing here.



32 Responses to Top 10 Signs You Are A SEO Diva

  1. Haha, cheers for the post Andrew, a few lolsworthy points that I haven’t thought about before.

    #10 particularly irritates me, wankers.
    #6 is genius, as is #5.
    I’ve never done #4… and I honestly have never understood #2

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  2. Pingback: Top 10 Signs You Are A SEO Diva | Inbound.org

  3. Cracking post Andrew. Had a good chuckle.

    And I’d like to take this chance to say that I had an amazing lunchbox as a child, and am therefore a decent human being.

    Thundercats….HOOO! > http://www.liketotally80s.com/images/metal-lunchbox-thundercats-11movieman.jpg

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  4. Number 3′s a bullseye. .. I know a few people who are like that LOL

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  5. Randy says:

    good one!

    I liked a lot #9 because I’m seeing it everyday.

    May I add one? saying everyday …. “inbox zero”. Yeah, I have a lot of emails too, maybe you have more , but still…what’s the point of saying that? what should I answer you, something like “wow, you are so freaking cool…you have tons of email and you answer THEM ALL. ”

    I don’t know , I don’t get it.

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    • Hahaha! People stating ‘Inbox zero’ is definitely annoying.

      Postbox zero! Answer machine zero! Text message zero! Twitter DM zero!

      Fuck off.

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  6. Anthony Pensabene says:

    I’m writing this as Alessio hosts me on his blog, but know glow sticks were hurt in the process of making the interview..

    my week on twitter.. I lost a few followers, was mentioned sarcastically a few times, and re-tweeted when I said something someone else said..

    I read this post and all I got was this Gizmo lunchbox: http://bit.ly/N2NNa8

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  7. Allegedly the Fake Matt Cutts says:

    I also had a Ghostbuster’s lunchbox (cartoon series) it had Mr Staypuft on the front. I had a Thundercats lunchbox at one point too but left it on the school bus, to never be seen again *sob*

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  8. Dammit I was hoping to be the Beyonce of SEO Divas.

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  9. After reading #6, I suddenly realized how much I hate Nickelback again…

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    • And they say that a hero can save us.
      Im not gonna stand here and wait.
      I’ll hold onto the wings of the eagles.
      Watch as we all fly away.

      #Tune

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  10. Bev Lopez says:

    On the nose!

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  11. I’d have joined the comments sooner but I was working on text msg zero.

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    • Haha, did you manage it? #FaxZero

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      • Nope, but I don’t use fax so I’m already at #FaxZero

        That’s how far ahead of the curve I am.

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        • You don’t use fax? How do you send important documents to people?!

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  12. Dr. Pete says:

    YOU TAKE THAT BACK! AVENGE ME, WORDPRESS PLUGIN!!

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  13. tim says:

    Is it ironic that this is a top 10 post? :)

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    • Shit! I hadn’t noticed that! Andrew you might want to review the post!

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      • “You said that irony was the shackles of youth”

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        • Binary. I said binary was the shackles of youth.

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          • Andy McGarry says:

            BINARY IS THE SHACKLES OF YOUTH

            ^ put that on a t-shirt and I’ll buy one.

            We could get our own merch range going for online marketing geeks. Like dinosaur comics: http://www.qwantz.com/index.php

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          • Now this is an idea. I mean it’s easy right? Just copy Oatmeal and we’ll make £100,000 within a few days.

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  14. Chris Franco says:

    So a fellow SEO and I were making fun of all the online marketers that refer to themselves as ninjas, gurus, etc. I found this post at the perfect time because I’ve started to actually get annoyed with all the SEO diva-ness. You had me cracking up after I read the first sentence (…written by the Online Marketing Owl). Thanks for the laughs! I have a feeling I’ll be checking your site quite a bit from now on.

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