Hey! Hows it going 01100111011001010110010101101011zers? Bit of a mixed up post today, covering a couple of things have made me laugh over the last few days.
This week you may have seen a post about some bloke leaving the internet? There has been an amusing, dry post via Curious Rat where Harry looks to give up reading for a whole year. Good luck dude, I’m sure you’ll succeed! I found both of these posts via Hacker News. I know what you’re thinking, value add.
Now I know you think this blog gets no visitors but recently Sergey Brin has dropped by to leave a couple of comments. They made me laugh so much that I thought I’d add them to a post*. Enjoy 🙂
Sergey Brin on SEO’s
First off let me say we at Google are sick to death of the fact that all you SEO arseholes make a fortune off what is in effect our search results. We feel in the interest of our own greed that if anyone is paying to rank higher in google that , that money should be paid directly to us and we will then increase your rank. It is for this purpose we have started to play mind games with the SEO community as a whole, we figured that if we got you all of you interested in ranking higher to use rel canonical then we had an easy foot print on which to identify which of you arseholes needed punishing.
We ran another one of our “updates” and we are very happy to say we completely battered many businesses into using our current pay to rank (Ad words) we knew you would and for this reason we set up a tracking metrics, If you have been dropped in organic and then decided to spend on ad words , I am pleased to announce, you will never ever get your rankings back. Instead we have given them to a low quality site that is full of junk because they never paid an evil seo company to rank, so in our eyes that makes them more relevant. I am very happy to announce that ad words income has increased 200% in the last 2 weeks.
First quarter profits were only $1.9 billion we are hoping with the last update that we can increase this quarters profits to double that, and when Matt fucks finally releases ” The SEO penalty” ( 3rd quarter , just in time for Christmas) this update will automatically remove any sites that are currently on the front page and place them at page 4 or lower.
I would personally like to thank all of you for installing Google analytic s without you doing this we would have had no idea as to how much your websites were earning (and therefore how much you should be paying us)
Just for my pal Larry
Well I think that went well lets hope the fools never work out that anti seo is so easy right now and start to smash all our serps on all keywords therefore turning our serps in to a right useless pile of shit or we are screwed. Also what if every site owner on Ad sense starts to replace our code with say Ad choices , we have lost over 70% of our advertising real estate and potentially 40% of our ad revenue. Cant we say to these fools if they use Google + we will increase there rank , that way we can advertise more
Sergey Brin on Paid Links
Ok Let me be totally frank with you bunch of SEO devils
Paid links are morally wrong , right up there with stealing from children or old people or rigging an election.
Despite what some of you may think, Ad words are NOT paid links , they are paid adverts, You stop paying the link disappears. Which means we are pure white and good, ( Think http://images.wikia.com/lotr/images/c/c4/Gandalf_the_white_in_Fangorn.jpg) we are god anyone who gets involved with paid links are the devils spawn and therefore needs to burned alive.
We are watching YOU always , infact we are not only watching you we know what you will do before you do it. YOU THINK I AM Joking right ?? Check out ONE of joint projects we funded with our friends at the C I A ( Cocaine In America) https://www.recordedfuture.com/so before you pay for another link consider Ad words instead and with our new Google updates if you pay enough on ad words we MIGHT just decide to add your site in the organic section, even if your site is built entirely from iframes.
*Whoever was responsible congratulations you are frickin hilarious 🙂
Oh and read about the weird title >>> here