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Published on January 16th, 2012 | by 011100110110010

12

I am the Rank King

I’m tired. Like really tired. Where you get dehydrated after sports and feel a bit ‘weird’. Anyway I thought it was worth going through a few keywords that I rank for (don’t check yet!)

  1. Pickled Vienetta Slices in Rotherham
  2. Scrambled Hard Drives in Hamburg
  3. Part Time Particle Physics Courses in Burnley
  4. Gabriel Batistuta Fan Club in Copenhagen
  5. Amateur Connect 4 Club Teams in Togo
With results like these we have brought some incredibly niche but relevant users to our clients websites. To think they only paid me £5000 each per month to get these sort of results. They are so lucky to have found me. Please read some quotes about my work from delighted customers below:

Testimonials:

Chris Dyson
“Yeah the kid’s good, real good. I heard a rumour he was relevant to Search Engine Optimisation Experts or something. If that’s true then he must be really relevant, or something. Now where’s my fucking rum?!”
Wayne Barker
“I’ve been following his content strategy very closely and although he is getting fantastic results (he ranks for everything) I don’t think he has a clue what he’s writing about most of the time…”
Joel Klettke
“I’ve read somewhere that he’s the UK’s Rand Fishkin, yeah that good, just without the grin, likeability and massive brand. Have I talked to you about Google+?”
Alessio Madeyski
“This man is a literal SEO tour-de-force. There is nothing that he doesn’t know or control within the SEO sphere. His influence within the Amateur Connect 4 circuit is truly something to behold”

Oh yeah, keep your ears to the ground. I’m doing a post where I am legitimately interviewing some very good SEO’s. All very bright people. I’m toying with a pisstake idea of “b listers answer SEO questions” or “tales from the SEO underground” I can’t make my mind up.

Thoughts/ideas/other appreciated below…

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About the Author

One day I will make a living out of this industry, until then I'll carry on writing here.



12 Responses to I am the Rank King

  1. Chris says:

    Wow you are top in Google for all this search terms!

    Pickled Viennetta Slices in Rotherham
    Scrambled Hard Drives in Hamburg
    Part Time Particle Physics Courses in Burnley
    Gabriel Batistuta Fan Club in Copenhagen
    Amateur Connect 4 Club Teams in Togo
    You also rank #1 for I am the Rank King

    Do you have a secret formula?
    Would you be willing to share? Who at Google are you bribing?

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    • Hi Chris,

      It’s interesting that you ask! I’d be more than happy to share my top secret formula* with you at the cost of £10,000 per month and a minimum 60 month contract (standard)

      *Please note that this top secret formula may or may not have any positive, neutral or negative effect

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  2. You deserve it. And for all the people reading this , drop me an email if you are curious about Him, because I have some other interesting things to share with you.
    Anyway he is a SEO master for me. So follow him, like you follow with the mind a good piece of electronic music.

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    • Alessio,

      Thanks for dropping by! You’re right it’s been a long time coming but I am now getting the plaudits and the money that I deserve!

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  3. Link says:

    Hello Friendly,

    I am here from the Google is ‘Pickled Vienetta in Rotheram’.

    I please do not understand if you sell this? Or if you are knowingly where this is?

    I have right my name and emailing dress so I would thank your grateful repost.

    Most joyful commiserations,

    Link

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  4. Link says:

    P.S. Masterful SEO, your blogging is excitable and I love the interested content whom you regularly update.

    xx

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    • Dearest Link,

      Thank you for taking the time out to visit. My sources at Google told me that ‘Pickled Vienetta in Rotherham’ is getting alot of traffic at the moment post Christmas so I decided to really go for it. As you can imagine you are one of many who have visited the site since last night through such a term (alot of interest in Pickled Vienetta in Rochdale, simpletons!)

      I hope that the content has been adequate? In terms of purchase unfortunately we have recently sold out. I can talk to arthur about russling up a new batch (don’t ask how he pickles it…)

      Please feel free to peruse the site at your leisure, it’s difficult not to find something witty, intelligent or just damn right fun to read.

      Kindest misfortunes,

      Job

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      • Link says:

        Please Job,

        Kindest apologies for your reply.

        Sorry for your advice, it is many appreciated. Though, would you knowingly please send me a link to this witty content, as I am unable to currently location it my own.

        Kindest Regulations,

        Link

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  5. Wayne Barker says:

    It’s true and I don’t know how he does it. He has the ninja skills and all the juices of the link that are available to known man. His magic SEO fingers can make you rank for all super hard keywords that you want. An owl once told me that he ranks for ‘i turned left at the island and all i found was a reciptical filled with eliptical ravens’

    He is the genius and you should listen to what he has to say…

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  6. shelli says:

    Just to let you now – I own

    Part Time Particle Physics Courses in Burnley.com

    if you want to buy it you can make me an offer – say $10,000 or $1,000 a month?

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    • Haha, if only that was true! I had to check 123reg to see whether the URL is taken and it isnt!

      However if you purchase the URL I will buy it for £13,000 a month.

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      • got that wrong it was:

        Part TimeR Particle Physics Courses in Burnley.com

        as if there are any other kind!

        Just load up the £13k to my account and its all yours.

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