I was checking my email earlier and came across this gem. I’m getting soft and removed the name and number (in case my competitors are reading and want to get in contact with them.) I was going to just post it but I’ve decided to add my own retarded commentary below in bold. Enjoy!
Hello, my name is [removed] and I am a Internet marketing professional. I had done a Google search under the keyword total jobs and had run across your website http://01100111011001010110010101101011.co.uk. I see that you are not listed on the first page of Google for your particular search. True, it’s a vital term for me and my business.
I am not sure if you’re aware of why you’re ranked this low but more importantly how easily correctable this is. Really? Tell me more!
There’s no reason that you can’t have top three rankings for the keyword total jobs based on your website structure and content. You have a very nice site. Top three rankings! You think? Lil old me?! I mean my website is quite nice and my content is extremely related to total jobs!
What you need is high quality one-way anchor text links. I can help you with this….. I suppose I do need some help and you’re here to provide it!
Not only can I get you ranked for the keyword total jobs but I am talking about all of your keywords on top of Google. Adding new high quality PR anchor-text links from the highest quality websites will produce the results and business you want for http://01100111011001010110010101101011.co.uk. HighqualityPRanchortextlinksman to the rescue! All of my keywords top of Google?! Now I can rank for terms like brown kettle, white fence and crystal heels!
The right kind of links are crucial in getting top ranking… and I can hand deliver these quality links to you. By mail, van or delivery pigeon?
My partners and I own 1000′s of websites and offer private linking to hundreds of website owners just like yourself. This sounds safe. I mean they are controlled and private. I’m definitely going to buy this service.
I didn’t send this email out to very many people but I do favor your website because I can see your website monetizing the targeted website traffic for the keyword total jobs can deliver. I am targeting the keyword total jobs! I feel like this person really knows me and understands my needs.
I have your contact information and phone number. Would it be okay if I were to give you a call? Where the fuck did you get that from??
I have a very simple way to prove to you that what I do works risk free for you to try. Nothing beats seeing the results with your own eyes. Apparently all I have to do is always be logged in to my Gmail account when I search for my terms and I’m will always number one!
Would it be okay if I were to give you a call? I would love to pursue this further over the phone with you or should I go somewhere else? Where the fuck else would you go?
P.S.- if the tables were turned and somebody I didn’t know came to me with a proposition, even one that was appealing, I would be hesitant because I would be wondering – what’s the catch? What does this person know that I don’t. True, I’d hate be on my deathbed contemplating my life and regret that one time I didn’t get in touch with that friendly link provider. The thought of that regret sends shivers down my spine.
But then again I would think her company does know something that I don’t know. Her company owns 1000′s of websites, her company does have hundreds of thousands of pages indexed with top rankings on Google, Yahoo and Bing. Websites that can deliver only the highest quality anchor-text links that can move your rankings fast. I would also think that I need to get my website in the top rankings. And her company is offering turn key page 1 rankings on all of my keywords including total jobs. Keywords that produce the kind of traffic potentially worth tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of dollars. Wow. I mean if I wasn’t already sold in the email, I definitely am now after this p.s. section.
Would it be okay to give you a call? Or you can call me anytime at the number above and would be happy to explain how I can benefit you risk free. I’m calling now with my credit card in my hand! HIGHQUALITYPRANCHORTEXTLINKS!!!